Saturday, February 28, 2015

Active Participants

On Becoming a Surrendered Husband wrote a post recently in which he referred to a study stating most all men have fantasized about being dominated by a woman physically. He transitioned his discussion of this topic into one possible alternative to living under the cruel hand of a dominant woman by stating the following:
"Other than in our dreams where we live as 24/7 doormats and whipping boys, life would not be so great to be an actual slave and be beaten into submission all the time. Nor would your Woman’s life be all that great if she had to micro manage everything to did and punish you without ceasing in order to get you to do it.
A far happier model that I have found is to live in anticipation of her every want and need."
I enjoyed the post and agree with him. He made the comparison of a submissive tending to his dominant in much the same way a servant would a queen - that he would be proactive and perform expected duties without having her supervising his every move.  And that only makes sense.  Any employee works with the same mindset. Students do as well. Responsible children act similarly with respect to their chores.  In each situation each person does what is expected of them without their "superior" standing over them to make sure they are doing every specific task expected.

When Katie and I first contemplated a FLR relationship we read the short book Uniquely Rika. She made a similar point - that the submissive should be proactive by thinking one or two steps ahead of his wife and avoid her having to instruct him.

May I suggest a counterpoint? As much as I strive to be the person that takes care of Katie without her having to stand over me I have to admit that I do enjoy her expressing her dominance. For example, I just paused writing this post because Katie called me from the other room and told me to bring in the plants on the deck as the temps will fall below freezing tonight. I answered, "yes ma'am", immediately got up and completed the chore. It only took a minute and it's done. Now I'm back writing but I welcome those kinds of statements. They are good for both of us - good for me to 'jump' when told to do something and good for her to know she can make such commands and expect results ASAP.

I'm sure there is a fine line to tread that both the dominant and submissive need to tread as we both need to be 'active' participants in this lifestyle. Maybe in time I will feel differently. Maybe in time I will simply become her slave and do my job without needing (or wanting) to be told or reminded of things needing completed.  But I'm not there yet. However I've moved along that continuum quite a bit since we first began and Katie has as well. What use to be questions are now statements. What use to be 'can you do.....' has progressed to just 'do....."  And I love it!

I'm Hers

Monday, February 23, 2015

Why women leave men they love

Katie showed me the below passage some time ago. I copied and pasted it. It’s written by someone who lives in BC Canada. It’s quite sobering. It’s sad. It’s insightful.  To those of you who are men and have submitted, a good part of why you submitted may have been (probably should have been) to avoid what this person wrote. To those of you that are dominant women, this passage speaks to why you need to insist, even demand, that you stay all over your man to make sure he holds fast to his role as your submissive. To those women who live in the everyday average marriage (one where you do your thing and he does his) and you are not satisfied, you may want to strongly consider taking charge of the man you love and thereby avoid the sad story below.

I don’t have much to say that can add to what is written. It’s profound as a stand-alone post.  I’d love to hear your feedback and thoughts.

“As a marriage counselor working with men and women in relationship crisis, I help clients navigate numerous marriage counseling issues. While many situations are complex, there’s one profoundly simple truth that men need to know. It’s this – Women leave men they love.
They feel terrible about it. It tears the heart out of them. But they do it. They rally their courage and their resources and they leave. Women leave men with whom they have children, homes and lives. Women leave for many reasons, but there’s one reason in particular that haunts me, one that I want men to understand:

Women leave because their man is not present. He’s working, golfing, gaming, watching TV, fishing… the list is long. These aren’t bad men. They’re good men. They’re good fathers. They support their family. They’re nice, likeable. But they take their wife for granted. They’re not present.

Women in my office tell me “Someone could come and sweep me off my feet, right out from under my husband.” Sometimes the realization scares them. Sometimes they cry.

Men – I’m not saying this is right or wrong. I’m telling you what I see. You can get as angry or hurt or indignant as you want. Your wife is not your property. She does not owe you her soul. You earn it. Day by day, moment to moment. You earn her first and foremost with your presence, your aliveness. She needs to feel it. She wants to talk to you about what matters to her and to feel you hearing her. Not nodding politely. Not placating. Definitely not playing devil’s advocate.

She wants you to feel her. She doesn’t want absent-minded groping or quick release sex. She wants to feel your passion. Can you feel your passion? Can you show her? Not just your passion for her or for sex; your passion for being alive. Do you have it? It’s the most attractive thing you possess. If you’ve lost it, why? Where did it go? Find out. Find it. If you never discovered it you are living on borrowed time.”


Monday, February 16, 2015

Purse Management

One of the tasks that have happened serendipitously has been purse management. It goes something like this.  We head to the car. I open the door and Katie gets inside and places her purse on the floor of the passenger seat. I hand her the car keys and close her door. After getting inside and buckling up we head out. Her purse is at my feet.
“I need my sunglasses.”  
I dig into the purse with chasms and voids so large that it sometimes amazes me that I can’t find something as large as sunglasses in a purse so small. There are four or five ‘sections’ in this particular purse – maybe more - and I frantically search for the glasses before she gets impatient and starts giving me directions as to where they might be located.
Before we get to the big box store, she will say, “Get out my membership card.” And the search for the card in her wallet commences.
“I need my mirror, lipstick and compact. Get them out.” I do.
When we stop she will check her makeup and hand the items back to me to put in the zippered makeup compartment of her bag. As soon as the sunglasses, mirror and makeup items are handed me, and I pass on the membership card she gives me the car keys When she exits the car I hurry out on the passenger side with keys stowed in my pocket and her purse in hand. Once I catch up, the purse is exchanged and in we go.
At a restaurant for lunch we will usually order unsweet tea and Katie prefers a natural sweetener to add just a bit of sweetness to it. She keeps a small coin purse in per pocketbook filled with packets of Stevia and it’s my job to make sure that small purse never gets empty. When the stash runs low I’ll be told to refill it when home.
At our favorite restaurant we are able to purchase discount cards from a nearby big box store. Spending $40 will get us a card worth $50. When these offers are available Katie spends a few $100 in cards to get us through the year and save us some money in the process.  When it’s time to pay she’ll say, “Get out the gift card. Make sure we use up the partially used once first.” 
Now Katie is a card stasher. She has a million cards in her wallet. CVS, Target, Big Box stores, Credit, Debit, Gas, Gift cards, and who knows what else but she’s got a lot.  I’ll eventually find the restaurant card with a receipt wrapped around it from the last time we used it. Checking that receipt I can look at what I’ve written previously to see if we have enough cash on the card to pay our current bill. If not, I’ll retrieve an unused card to supplement what the   come two cards. The bill is paid, the balance on the now used card is written down on the new receipt and the card is put away with the others.
When we run errands I am sometimes told to find a coupon or get out a receipt.  Those commands require a deep search for the desired piece of paper that might be mixed in with lots of other receipts, papers, and coupons that are all somewhat organized and somewhat scattered in the many compartments.
If she wants her reading glasses, breath mints, gum, cash or coin change for a toll it can all be found somewhere in this most amazing of women’s accessories.  It’s my job to make sure I can produce what she wants, when she wants it and do so without really making her purse my purse.  Things need to be put where she wants them and not where I think they should be.  It’s all a part of my life as her submissive and to be honest – I love taking care of her.
I’m Hers

Tuesday, February 10, 2015

Females aren't superior - they aren't even smarter (not that it matters)

I don’t know why it is but when I read blogs stating that one gender is superior to the other it rubs me the wrong way. It has nothing to do with the fact that I believe men are superior or that I am internally struggling with the fact that I am now a submissive and have to somehow cope with the fact that I have permanently lost many privileges when I married Katie and pledged my obedience and service. Rather it has more to do with broad sweeping statements that are ill thought through. There is one such blog in particular that I very much enjoy reading but at times present posts that unequivocally state on no uncertain terms that females are the superior sex. I disagree.

If one country is militarily superior to another it means that if the weaker country decides to assert itself it’s going to get its butt kicked in by the stronger.  Superior means just that. It means that it is mightier, better, more powerful, more intelligent, more capable, etc.

What gets under my skin per se is not so much the statement that women are superior (well that’s part of it) but it’s the statement spoken with such broad sweeping strokes and little objective evidence to back it up. For example an advocate might state that more girls go to college than boys. This statement is true but does going to college make you superior? How many of you call the local PhD in English to fix your ailing car? I’ve never contacted my local shrink with an advanced psych degree to consider putting an addition onto my home. I wonder why? I’ve yet to see a plumber advertize that because he has a terminal history degree he’s the plumber of choice. What does taking English, psychology, history and other classes mean in these situations? It’s all situational. I believe in education. I’ve been a professor for many years but I also know that just because I help others learn something in academia that in itself doesn’t translate to being superior in all facets of life.

Another statement promoting female superiority is more females are valedictorians. The unstated premise is they are smarter than men (just as the previous statement about going to college assumed). However, if you do a Google search on comparing IQ by gender you’ll find different results. IQ’s are almost gender equal and if anything, tend to favor males by a few points. Bottom line: going to college or being at the top of your class doesn’t mean your superior. It means you have a desire to work harder than whomever graduates #2 or 32 or 102. Remember Thomas Edison and Ben Franklin never even walked into a school. They educated themselves at home. Go figure!

If the premise of women being superior is true then the data should present itself across the board.  If country A is militarily superior then it shouldn’t matter if an enemy attacks by land, air or sea. If they’re superior they will be able to defend themselves and cause enough devastation to their advisory to wipe them out, regardless of how they are attacked. If females are indeed superior then why can find all that is listed below? If one gender is indeed superior then all the data would point in that direction. It doesn’t. I found specific data showing the fallacy of this belief system. (If I wanted, I could have found just as much data demonstrating male weakness but that’s not my point.)

Now before the reader gets all bent out of shape let me state: I don’t believe I am superior to Katie. I don’t believe I’m superior to your spouse but neither do I believe Katie or your spouse is superior to me.  Each of us has strengths. Each has weaknesses. I have chosen to obey Katie and serve her. My submission has nothing to do with how smart, healthy or emotionally stable she is. Rather it has everything to do with my conscious decision to obey and trust and her commitment to lead. Katie wisely chooses to sometimes take my point of view into consideration when she makes decisions on our behalf.  She doesn’t always but she always keeps her options open. She decides; I obey. She directs; I follow. She has responsibilities to lead and run our home; I follow her orders and do what she wants to make our home and marriage run smoothly. Our relationship is not about who’s superior and who’s not; it’s about who leads and who obeys. That is a far different marriage dynamic. 

If you are one that believes in female superiority then you have to reconcile what is listed below. If females are indeed superior they should not fall short to male ‘performance’ in any area. Yet they do. So the question that begs to be asked is why do they fall short in so many areas if they are indeed superior? Is all this a lie? Is it all made up? Is all the compiled data wrong or don’t you want to accept what all these studies state? If you choose to ignore all that’s there, is that really superior thinking? Food for thought.
I’m Hers

The data:

* Women are two to six times more likely to sustain athletic injuries than men. Women's bodies are not biomechanically designed for the demands of sport due to wider hips, shorter legs, weaker muscles and weaker joints/ligaments.

* Of the more than 5 million people in the United States who have been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s (the leading cause of dementia) two-thirds are women.

* According to Prevent Blindness America (PBA), women are more susceptible than men to vision impairment and comprise 2.6 of the 4.1 million Americans age 40 and older who are visually impaired or blind. Data showed that more women than men experience age-related macular degeneration, cataracts, glaucoma and diabetic retinopathy.

* Women are more susceptible to death and disease from infectious pathogens.

* Women are more likely to suffer from PTSD than men.

* Women are known to have a higher risk of a range of anxiety disorders.

* Women are more likely to suffer from depression than males.

* From the CDC: Most people with fibromyalgia are women (Female: Male ratio 7:1).

* From Wikipedia: Several meta-studies between 1994 and 2005 found mean IQ of men exceeding that of women by a range of 3–5 points. Jackson and Rushton found males aged 17–18 years had average of 3.63 IQ points in excess of their female equivalents. Helmuth Nyborg found an average advantage for males of 3.8 IQ points.

* Women suffer from monthly mood swings due to hormonal variations.

* Women are more likely to experience osteoporosis than men.

* Women are more susceptible to the damaging effects of alcohol than men. Both women and female animals are more susceptible to the negative or toxic effects of alcohol. This is true for the liver, heart muscle, skeletal muscle, and it may be true for the pancreas and the brain. In other words, there is something about the female gender that makes them more susceptible to toxic amounts of alcohol.

* Diabetes is more deadly for women. It increases their risk for heart disease 6’x (vs 2-3 times for males). It reduces longevity by over 8 years vs about 7 for men. It increases their risk for depression (2:1 vs males). Diabetic women have more problems than men controlling blood glucose, are more likely to become obese, have higher blood pressure and have unhealthy cholesterol levels.

* Women are more likely to be susceptible to smoking related lung cancers. Researchers focused on a gene called KRAS G12D. Women were more likely than men to have the KRAS G12C mutation, and they developed the disease at a younger age and with a shorter history of smoking.

* Studies have shown that women are more prone to cannabis abuse and dependence than men. In women, cannabis withdrawal symptoms of irritability, sleep disruption and decreased food intake was shown to be more severe, and women also have a higher likelihood of relapsing when quitting the drug.

* The physiology of the female genital tract makes women inherently more vulnerable to HIV than men.

* As with scoliosis in childhood, adult scoliosis is more common in women than in men. In the Johns Hopkins study, which was published in the American Journal of Neuroradiology, females were 1.5 times as likely as males to have scoliosis.

* Women are twice as vulnerable to stress as men because of greater sensitivity to a substance produced at times of anxiety. They found that they are not only more sensitive to low levels of "corticotropin-releasing factor" (CRT) but less able to cope when levels are high.

* When looking at data comparing male versus female concussion injury rates in sports where both sexes play the same sport, females clearly predominate.

* Women are more susceptible to autoimmune diseases than males The sex bias in autoimmune diseases, in which the body's immune system attacks its host, has been known for more than a century. (Women account for roughly three-quarters of all diagnoses.)  Here is a list of such diseases:

Acute Disseminated Encephalomyelitis (ADEM)
Acute necrotizing hemorrhagic leukoencephalitis
Addison’s disease
Agammaglobulinemia
Alopecia areata
Amyloidosis
Ankylosing spondylitis
Anti-GBM/Anti-TBM nephritis
Antiphospholipid syndrome (APS)
Autoimmune angioedema
Autoimmune aplastic anemia
Autoimmune dysautonomia
Autoimmune hepatitis
Autoimmune hyperlipidemia
Autoimmune immunodeficiency
Autoimmune inner ear disease (AIED)
Autoimmune myocarditis
Autoimmune oophoritis
Autoimmune pancreatitis
Autoimmune retinopathy
Autoimmune thrombocytopenic purpura (ATP)
Autoimmune thyroid disease
Autoimmune urticaria
Axonal & neuronal neuropathies
Balo disease
Behcet’s disease
Bullous pemphigoid
Cardiomyopathy
Castleman disease
Celiac disease
Chagas disease
Chronic fatigue syndrome**
Chronic inflammatory demyelinating polyneuropathy (CIDP)
Chronic recurrent multifocal ostomyelitis (CRMO)
Churg-Strauss syndrome
Cicatricial pemphigoid/benign mucosal pemphigoid
Crohn’s disease
Cogans syndrome
Cold agglutinin disease
Congenital heart block
Coxsackie myocarditis
CREST disease
Essential mixed cryoglobulinemia
Demyelinating neuropathies
Dermatitis herpetiformis
Dermatomyositis
Devic’s disease (neuromyelitis optica)
Discoid lupus
Dressler’s syndrome
Endometriosis
Eosinophilic esophagitis
Eosinophilic fasciitis
Erythema nodosum
Experimental allergic encephalomyelitis
Evans syndrome
Fibromyalgia**
Fibrosing alveolitis
Giant cell arteritis (temporal arteritis)
Giant cell myocarditis
Glomerulonephritis
Goodpasture’s syndrome
Granulomatosis with Polyangiitis (GPA) (formerly called Wegener’s Granulomatosis)
Graves’ disease
Guillain-Barre syndrome
Hashimoto’s encephalitis
Hashimoto’s thyroiditis
Hemolytic anemia
Henoch-Schonlein purpura
Herpes gestationis
Hypogammaglobulinemia
Idiopathic thrombocytopenic purpura (ITP)
IgA nephropathy
IgG4-related sclerosing disease
Immunoregulatory lipoproteins
Inclusion body myositis
Interstitial cystitis
Juvenile arthritis
Juvenile diabetes (Type 1 diabetes)
Juvenile myositis
Kawasaki syndrome
Lambert-Eaton syndrome
Leukocytoclastic vasculitis
Lichen planus
Lichen sclerosus
Ligneous conjunctivitis
Linear IgA disease (LAD)
Lupus (SLE)
Lyme disease, chronic
Meniere’s disease
Microscopic polyangiitis
Mixed connective tissue disease (MCTD)
Mooren’s ulcer
Mucha-Habermann disease
Multiple sclerosis
Myasthenia gravis
Myositis
Narcolepsy
Neuromyelitis optica (Devic’s)
Neutropenia
Ocular cicatricial pemphigoid
Optic neuritis
Palindromic rheumatism
PANDAS (Pediatric Autoimmune Neuropsychiatric Disorders Associated with Streptococcus)
Paraneoplastic cerebellar degeneration
Paroxysmal nocturnal hemoglobinuria (PNH)
Parry Romberg syndrome
Parsonnage-Turner syndrome
Pars planitis (peripheral uveitis)
Pemphigus
Peripheral neuropathy
Perivenous encephalomyelitis
Pernicious anemia
POEMS syndrome
Polyarteritis nodosa
Type I, II, & III autoimmune polyglandular syndromes
Polymyalgia rheumatica
Polymyositis
Postmyocardial infarction syndrome
Postpericardiotomy syndrome
Progesterone dermatitis
Primary biliary cirrhosis
Primary sclerosing cholangitis
Psoriasis
Psoriatic arthritis
Idiopathic pulmonary fibrosis
Pyoderma gangrenosum
Pure red cell aplasia
Raynauds phenomenon
Reactive Arthritis
Reflex sympathetic dystrophy
Reiter’s syndrome
Relapsing polychondritis
Restless legs syndrome
Retroperitoneal fibrosis
Rheumatic fever
Rheumatoid arthritis
Sarcoidosis
Schmidt syndrome
Scleritis
Scleroderma
Sjogren’s syndrome
Sperm & testicular autoimmunity
Stiff person syndrome
Subacute bacterial endocarditis (SBE)
Susac’s syndrome
Sympathetic ophthalmia
Takayasu’s arteritis
Temporal arteritis/Giant cell arteritis
Thrombocytopenic purpura (TTP)
Tolosa-Hunt syndrome
Transverse myelitis
Type 1 diabetes
Ulcerative colitis
Undifferentiated connective tissue disease (UCTD)
Uveitis
Vasculitis
Vesiculobullous dermatosis
Vitiligo
Wegener’s granulomatosis (now termed Granulomatosis with Polyangiitis (GPA)

Saturday, February 7, 2015

A Nice Way to Start a Day

This morning we woke not having anything to do before noon. I was snuggled behind Katie and the evening before she permitted me to unlock “so I could get a good night sleep”.  I gladly complied.  The evening before I was again spooning her and was wakened to the feel of her tush grinding against the steel cage. She was apparently getting a midnight snack of sorts at my ‘congested’ expense.  The following morning I said something about her getting doing some pelvic exercises during the middle of the night. I could hear her smile through the phone and she asked how ‘her man of steel was doing’.  We both laughed at the not so subtleties of our comments.

Well this morning while spooning I tucked my little guy between her legs, applied some additional pressure with my hand and pleasured her. A few minutes later after she calmed she said without looking, “put on some lubricant”.  I did and for the next while we enjoyed being especially close.  When she had had enough she rose and headed to the shower like she always does. I got up, made the bed, tidied the bedroom, cleaned the cat litter and showered when she was through.  Katie had dressed by now. I was still naked and not yet locked. She approached rubbing moisturizing lotion on her hands.  Apparently she had put a little too much lotion because without pause she grabbed my goods in both hands and started rubbing me – not to excite, but to remove the excess lotion she didn’t need.

Neither of us changed the subject. It was simply Katie being Katie. She is the pragmatist and my genitals were available and apparently also in need of being moisturized. I didn’t ask. 

I left for work around noon and two hours later Katie called. “Hi Mistress!” I said not expecting her to call me. (It’s my job to call her at certain times of the day, not vice versa.)

“A song is about to come on and I wanted to play it for you.”  She walked closer to the CD player and I could hear Bad Company singing “Feel like making love.”

I laughed but her cell was apparently pressed close to the speaker as the words repeated themselves again and again deliciously.  She got back on the phone and told me she was thinking about me, thinking about our morning and for whatever reason had lots of sexual energy. She wanted me.  I told her I’d always be ready and we talked for a bit more. Before we hung up she told me, “I’ll say this one more time,” and put the phone back near the speaker where Bad Company repeated the classic phrase a few more times – just for me.

I’d be getting home late and hoped she’d still be in the mood. She had a party to go to for a friend she’s known since childhood.  We talked as we both headed home but I learned that a girlfriend had called earlier in the evening and the two were planning to meet for a glass of wine. I headed to bed as I had a long day of work to wake up to. Katie arrived home not to long after. She wasn’t in the mood and to be honest, I was pretty tired – although I would have obeyed willingly had she wanted my services.

I’m Hers

Friday, February 6, 2015

Firm Love

It was sometime during the end of November when this flurry happened.  At first I didn’t notice it but when a pattern started to develop I took a moment to jot down her words. Here’s what I wrote:
"You will never, ever, do that!" (I had indicated that I was going to blow my nose by closing one nostril with a finger and exhaling forcefully through the other. Yea, I’m a guy!)
"Pick that up."
"Fix this. I can’t figure it out."
"Go on, (she shooed me with a brush of her hand), I’ll be out in a minute."
"Roll over." (We were in bed and she wanted to snuggle mostly on me rather than next to me)
"Let’s go." (Indicating it was time to leave. She walked out and I hurriedly followed.)
“We should leave by 3:30,” I said. “No, we will leave by 3:20” she replied flatly.
Sometime later in the day I commented how much I had (and was) enjoying her directness.  She barely acknowledged my comment but I knew she heard me. She always hears me.
There is something about this tone of speach that fills a part of me that I can’t explain.  One might interpret she is being a bitch by the arrogance of her remarks – acting as if she is entitled. On another level one might think she’s having a bad day and not in the mood for anything but being bossy. Neither is true. She’s simply being Mistress Katie and my interpretation of her statements and directives is that she is expressing her confidence and ownership of me by the bluntness of her statements. She knows I am hers and those statements reveal the freedom she has to just tell me the way it is. Those words, those comments fill my soul like not much else can. I love it! I wish she was this way more often, yet I know it needs to come from within. As time marches on, little by little it is becoming more common. It’s been a slow, painfully slow process, but she is changing. I ache for the day when she calls me out from the middle of a shower to go fetch something for her or tell me this food is not prepared right and to do it over properly. Oh, I can only dream.
Today I read a wonderful post by Kathy. I believe it was titled ‘Thoughts on a Monday’ and it was written on 12/15 if you care to read it.  I hadn’t gotten a chance to read the blogs until that Thursday but noticed a comment posted by a ‘Sandra’. She stated the following:
“Women with little or no experience and sometimes even those with experience fail to understand the submissive male’s need to serve. It's not a desire, a kink or a game, it's a need.
By feeling guilty of asking too much of them; by not desiring to push them too hard, and perhaps making them uncomfortable, women cheat them out of the service they crave to perform, and confine our femdom relationships to something less than what they could be.Our men want to give us so much and serve us in ways we can only dream of. In return they want us to be confident enough to demand it, expect it and then accept it freely and without guilt.”
Wow. What profound words. What a loving comment. I envy her husband. Her comment made me hard. It aroused me. I could feel the congestion building in the cage I was wearing. It spoke to me because what she said is this: submissive men like me and so many others have emotional needs that are somehow met when a women expresses dominance and in some respects becomes a bitch – but does so with the purpose of meeting the known needs of her husband.
What Sandra is saying (at least from my perspective) is that if a wife knows her husband is submissive, she does him (and her!) a disservice by refusing to express her love by not insisting he do things perfectly or promptly. She robs herself by not correcting him when a task isn't done to her liking or done wrong, or not done at all. She robs them both when she refuses to remind him she owns him; that he is her property and his primary purpose in life is serving her.
That is my dream Katie right there. If Katie was like ‘that’ all the time I’d want her even more. My heart would race more often when we're together. It would be difficult for me not to kneel before her.
I gave her a long hug today and she held me for at least a minute. While we embraced I told her that I have a need to be here – to be held, to be close to her body, to feel her love and affection. I have that need because I view her has my Mistress. I now call her Mistress predominately. I didn’t plan to. It’s just happened; just evolved. It’s how I view her and I view her as that because she periodically expresses dominance - not always - not mostly - but enough. If it happened mostly…. Well I can only wish.
Ladies, I hope you understand the wisdom in Sandra’s words. I hope you grasp the wisdom in Kathy’s words (Femdom 101 blog). Your dominance, your demanding, pushing, stretching, expectant attitude might be the best Christmas gift you could ever give him.  I hope you will consider this ‘other’ way of expressing love to the man who wants to serve you and live beneath you.
I’m Hers

Friday, January 30, 2015

Rejection Acceptance

In the previous post I commented on something written by a man whose marriage is devoid of sex. I also mentioned my identification with him. I pleaded to women who approach their marriage similarly to reconsider their position.  What I failed to identify in that post was the reason why a marriage without sex is akin to eating a burger and fries without the salt, fat, mustard, ketchup, pickles, onions and whatever else you put on a burger.  It will sustain you but it isn't very tasty and as the saying goes, "you can live on it but it tastes like crap," and what fun is there in eating crap.

At the heart of withholding physical intimacy from marriage is rejection. Men love sex. Women love sex. I dare say that women love to cuddle and snuggle more than they love sex. They love to be wooed and cherished.  For a man to remain married but never walk hand-in-hand, never spend an evening with his spouse conversing while giving her his undivided attention, if he never got her a card or left a note indicating his love for her, if he never hugged, kissed or expressed affection, if he did nothing to romance her, I am certain she would feel rejected. Likewise, to live and never enjoy one anothers' bodies physically is no less a rejection - especially when the hints and pitiful pleas by the hurt partner go unheeded.

I don't believe a couple needs to adhere to a femdom lifestyle or a domestic discipline one anymore than the type of relationship they formed when they fell in love to remain close and in love.  I do believe that the former relational dynamics promote conscious attention of one partner toward the other and for that reason I believe it promotes active acceptance rather than assumed acceptance or purposeful rejection. 

For example, I do the laundry and every Saturday morning I know that I'm doing so because Katie will appreciate my work. That evening when I fold, hang or place her garments back where they belong I think of her. Every day I bring her a cooked meal and she thanks me and gives me that smile that says "I love you for taking care of me".  I could go on and on as to how our WLM promotes intimacy - even when the subject matter is chores (or from her perspective making sure that I do those chores). The intentional affection, words of affirmation, hugs, kisses, conversation, and time spent together is additional 'stuff' that deepens our closeness even further. 

In a way a WLM/femdom relationship is about having fun together. In the acceptance of power as well as in the relinquishing of it there is a 'play' dynamic at work. It's not play that produces laughter but it is play that produces happy feelings and happy thoughts. It is a play that allows one partner to have positive and loving feelings toward their spouse (whether they are the dominant or the submissive). The play can be serious. The play can even be uncomfortable, in the case of discipline or being told to compress even more work into an already tight schedule.

If something isn't fun. If something isn't enjoyable. If there is no reward for doing something for another then eventually that act will most likely wane.  Maybe for some sex is no longer fun, no longer pleasurable, no longer important to give to another and maybe that is why it becomes less of a priority and eventually ceases to even be a part like it once was.

I love feeling loved. I love being accepted. I love being cherished. I love knowing she loves not only who I am and what I do but also loves me enough to express that love physically. I love that she lets me cuddle and snuggle and touch . I love that she permits me to be physically intimate on a regular basis. Why do I love all of this? Isn't it obvious? Don't we all love to get warm fuzzies? Don't we all enjoy attention from those we value? Don't we all crave love and acceptance?  

There really is no one who is a Rock and an Island as the old Simon and Garfunkle song stated.  Well there are probably thousands of lonely men and women that are islands and I dare say too many of those are married. Even more are single. Very few in that situation are rocks - solid, stable, secure, content individuals living when loneliness, hurt, emptiness and void are a part of their daily life because another will not express love in a way that meets their love language and fills that emotional tank.

A common theme of femdom blogs is married couples that are well into middle age rediscovering love for their spouse. At the heart of that rediscovery is accepting, appreciating and loving them overtly and often.  May we all strive to live that way and in so doing, make our very best friend - our life partner's life - overflow with joy because they feel such abundant love from us.

I'm Hers