Saturday, March 28, 2015

I'm Watching You

Some time ago I wrote a post asking how other dommes and subs use their smart phones as a part of their D/s relationship.  I got a few responses that were helpful.  Since that time Katie and I have made use of our phones in various ways.  Mostly we use, or more specifically, I use the calendar function. My phone serves as her appointment book.  I keep track of her hair appointments, work schedule, workout times, medical appointments, our travel plans, etc.  In addition my notebook app is often used to keep track of the grocery shopping I need to do. Anything in which there is a date to remember, or items to purchase at some later time is recorded on the calendar or notepad apps.  When I add an item I'll ask if she wants to be reminded and if so, how much alert time she wants.  My phone is filled with such Katie appointments.

One responder to that initial post referred me to a free app called Chorma.  I use it often - not lots but enough. Katie will assign certain chores on that app that will alert me on the day that they are to be done. She's only added a few - laundry, vacuuming, sweeping, organizing her meds/vitamins for the week. She could add more but what she has put on there really helps. I am a routine guy so the more I can stick to a routine the more efficient I can be. I wish she'd add more, not to overwhelm me but to keep me on a schedule that helps me assist her by keeping the house in order.  The chores she has assigned are weekly ones but adding monthly or bi-annual ones like cleaning the fridge or scrubbing the floor would be beneficial for both of us. 

I discovered her use of another app more recently. The other day I was driving home - I believe it was a few days before Valentine’s Day.  I wanted to sneak into a store to pick up something and Katie just happened to ask me to get something at that same store.  I stayed there for quite a while - maybe 30 minutes - much longer than it would have taken to pick up the single item she wanted me to get.  When I got home she asked, "What took you so long in that store?"

I smiled and gave her some dismissive comment but she then added, "I was watching you on my phone. You got there at 9:05 and didn't leave until 9:38."

My eyes widened. She was watching me.  As it turned out, my son told her about a feature that allows you to track your friends. Katie paired my phone with hers and now she can track me. The feature is quite nice and will locate the other phone within a few yards/meters.  Since that time Katie has reminded me that she had been watching where I was on my drive home from work.  I like that. I like that feature lots.  I like knowing that she can see me even when we are apart. I like knowing that I can't go off and deviate from what she wants.  Now  it's not like I want to stray and go somewhere that I shouldn't and it's not that she's ever used this or any of the other apps maliciously but knowing that the technology is available to her does have an effect of keeping thoughts of independence from gaining a foothold in my subconscious

Of course there is 'facetime' and she has used that on occasion.  The phone will ring and I'll see that I'm getting a facetime call from her.  What a monitoring service that offers the dominant!  She can simply call me, and if she wants can have me pan my phone so she can see exactly where I am or who is with me.  Pretty scary stuff but for one in a healthy D/s marital relationship the knowledge of her ability to do these kinds of - checking up on you - calls helps ensure we remain in a healthy D/s loving relationship.

I use a 'Days Lite' app that I use to keep track of my days in denial. Sometimes I will send Katie a picture of the days since my last orgasm, just to enlighten her but mostly that app is for me.  It serves as a reminder of the number of days since the last time and as those days mount, reminds me that I am not an independent man but rather one who is owned.  Ahh, I like knowing I am owned.  I like it lots!

Again, if there are other apps or ways your Dominant uses I'd love to hear your thoughts.


I'm Hers

Post Script: since writing this post a few weeks ago Katie texted me while I was at work, "where are you?" I saw her text some ten minutes later and responded, "at work". She responded, "no exactly where are you?" Later that afternoon she told me that her phone told me I was on the other side of the highway. I wasn't. Really I wasn't. I mention that for two reasons. First because she was checking on me in the middle of the day - something she now does often. Second, because the locator function on the phone isn't as accurate as it says it is - at least not all the time.

Wednesday, March 25, 2015

Supporting One Another

A few months ago I came across the blog "real women don't do housework". It is written by a female. There are very few good blogs written by women that pertain to living under the loving care of a woman. Far too few such blocks exist and I noticed in reading some of her posts that almost no one comments. I would encourage other readers of this blog to visit this one and contribute to the discussion as you see fit. I've provided the link to it below. I think it's important that women who take the time and effort to write on the behalf of this cause receive the needed support from others. Women need to read the viewpoints of other women and men need to understand the mind of dominant women in a healthy way. I believe the author here is one such woman and I hope we can all bond together to encourage her. 

http://rwddh.blogspot.com

I'm Hers

Sunday, March 22, 2015

"But Mom, I get an allowance too"

A few weeks ago we had a bit of an unplanned family reunion of sorts. My daughter and I stopped in to visit my parents and other children decided to come over as well. We were sitting around the dining room table talking when  the subject of finances came up. Mom knows how to stretch a dollar. She is great at handling expenses and although we as a family lived simply on dad's income we never lacked in anything. One of my children mentioned that he and his wife have separate checking accounts. That comment shocks my mother. "Why would you do that? You're married! I don't understand why you would want to do!"

After getting over that unsettling information she told us about a time when her sister was younger and her husband gave her a weekly allowance. She couldn't believe that her sister had to live this way. Mom mentioned ways her sister got around the allowance limitations by borrowing money from others when she needed or wanted to purchased items that exceeded her imposed budget limits.

Later that afternoon mom, my daughter and I were talking again. I told her how different my marriage with Katie is when compared to my previous one. Her curiosity was piqued and she asked me to explain. I talked about how I attempted to keep our home together by controlling everything and everyone and I could see my daughter nodding in agreement. I mentioned how I gave up control when I married Katie and now let her be in charge of us.

I talked. Mom listened. Then I mentioned, "Katie gives me an allowance."
Mom responded, Telling me Katie was simply running the finances and budgeting money to me just as she would budget funds to other areas of our life. I agreed but made the comment that I check in with Katie before making purchases that will exceed my allowance.

I wanted her to draw the parallel between my situation and her sisters. However, I don't think mom equated my having an allowance in the same way as her sister having an allowance years ago. I don't think she heard me with the same part of her brain that has already pegged her sister's husband as being controlling. She views Katie's running of our finances as nothing more than her responsibly managing our home.

But she does know now that my earnings are deposited directly into katie's checking account, that Katie takes care of our finances, that I have an allowance, and I ask permission before spending anything that would exceed my limited funds. This of course was old news for my daughter who sat listening. Mail my mother has new information to chew on at some later point in time.

Like Katie my mother runs the budget in my parents home. My dad admits that if she were to die first he would be bankrupt within a month since he has no idea how she controls their budget or where the money goes on a weekly/monthly basis. My mother adamantly agrees!

I have found the last month interesting with respect to the conversations I've had with my children and my parents. We've touched on topics in which I can't help but convey the femdom perspective of our relationship. There is nothing wrong with how Katie and I live. Because I see us living so beautifully as a team I have no trouble sharing my lifestyle with those closest to me. They can agree or disagree and with our lifestyle but regardless of what they do with the information they cannot deny that Katie and I are in love and enjoy one another immensely. My parents see how happy we both are. My children see the same thing. My children can also see the difference in their dad and how happy he is now. They are intelligent young adults. Although they may not be ready to change things in their own home they definitely have something to think about with respect to how their dad lives with his new wife.

I'm Hers

Tuesday, March 17, 2015

The Conversation Continued

In the previous post I mentioned a few instances where I had spoken with my daughter regarding the need for her to let a boyfriend show her respect and value through his actions. Since that time that relationship has ended. My daughter told me that within a few days after she decided to commit to him more seriously he got cold feet and stopped communicating. From my perspective what happened seemed quite odd and very calloused on his part.
This week she has spent her spring break with me. We've had a wonderful time together and have spent hours talking. Yesterday I had to drive for several hours to a job and she came along. The subject of her relationship came up and I made the comment that in my opinion men are mountain climbers. I explained how I believe men have a desire to reach a goal - that being the top of a mountain. I told her that her boyfriend reached a bit of a mountain peak when he got her to commit to him more seriously. When she did the challenge of him having to woo her no longer existed and apparently he didn’t have other mountain tops on the horizon to conquer.

I segued our discussion to note how Katie and I relate. My daughter has been watching us for the past several days while visiting and she knows even more because of past conversations I've we've had. This week however, she has gotten a chance to view how we relate firsthand. She's watched me work in the kitchen. She's observed that Katie doesn’t do dishes, clean the kitchen or do meal prep. She's watched me empty the dishwasher after hearing Katie inform me that it is clean. She's heard me ask Katie permission more than once. On our way home from work I asked if she'd like to go to a nice restaurant to eat. When she said she did I told her I needed to text Katie to get approval/permission.

I mention these instances to highlight how she's had a chance to see what a relationship looks like when the woman is in charge and her daddy is not. While we drove I revealed more about Katie and I; how Katie takes care of our finances and how I ask permission before making purchases or doing things. I told her how she expects me to call just before I arrive at work and send a text when I leave at the end of the day. I told her that I don't spend money normally and when I do I call to get permission before purchasing anything.  I gave her several examples of how life between the two of us plays out.

She remembers me primarily as the dad who is married to her mom. She knows of some of our issues and she knows that I was a bit of a control freak because I did not trust her mom in certain ways. I told her about a conversation that Katie and I had before we married and how Katie insisted it would be best if I didn’t have that same kind of control in our marriage. I went on to tell my daughter how much I have been at peace with myself because of the limits Katie has placed on me. 
I don't get anxious over finances. I don't stress because Katie hasn't done something that I've wanted her to do. I don't worry about getting things done or not having things done my way. I don’t worry anymore. I explained that now I do what I’m told and rest that her expectations are well grounded and wise.

My daughter can see the difference in me. She can see that I am a happier man, a happier dad. I am sure she can see the difference when comparing the old me to the new. Never in our conversation did I mention I was Katie’s submissive or suggest I was the lesser in our relationship. I didn't talk about femdom or make things kinky. Rather I tried to help her understand that living with Katie in charge has made me a happy, content man who loves his new wife with all of his being.
At one point while driving my daughter made the comment "well I guess Katie is the boss". I smiled. I knew she had got it when she spoke those words.

It's nice to have the cat out of the bag, at least somewhat. My daughter knows a little bit more. She understands the why behind some of my actions. I think she sees the value of our power exchange and how it has created a marriage in which her daddy feels loved and secure.

I don't know that I will tell her more in the future. At this point I think it's best to leave it up to her to bring things up to discuss. She knows enough. She knows that her daddy is a happier man. She knows that he doesn't have the control he had before. She knows that Katie is in charge and daddy asks permission and takes care of his new bride. She knows enough to get her thinking about how she might structure the next relationship she enters when the next boy comes along. At least, I hope she does.

I'm Hers

Thursday, March 12, 2015

Conversations

I had a wonderful chat with my daughter some time ago. She is out of school and although quite attractive has never thrown herself at boys. Rather her attention has been focused on her studies and playing intercollegiate sports. I have admired all three traits from afar. She has dated but most were with guys whom she went out with once, twice, maybe three times before passing on their next offer.  But as with most things in life things have changed. There is a new ‘boy’ and she likes this ‘boy’. He’s older by a few years, is gainfully employed, has a faith that meshes with hers and treats her well. He texts her every day. He calls her every night. He lives some distance away and drives to see her most every weekend. I like him. I like the effort he makes to please and I like that my girl is happy.

Jokingly I asked if she’s kissed him yet and she responded quite shocked that I asked telling me she hadn’t.   
“Why?” I asked and she told me she didn’t want to kiss a guy if he was just going to be a guy she had no real feelings for.

”I want to kiss someone I really like and not regret kissing him just because he expected a kiss.”  I smiled inside once more.

Having that door open, I asked if he opens doors when they go out. “Well he does but it seems really odd when he does.”

“Why?”

Well he opens a door and then stands there and I look at him and he tells me that I need to walk through the door he’s holding.”

“That should make you happy,” I commented.

“It feels weird dad.”

“Why”

“Because I can open the door myself and when he does it for me all the time it makes me feel like I’m weak and can’t take care of myself.”

It’s good for him to do this,” I suggested. “You need to let him open every door you pass through.”

“Why?”

“Because it gives him a chance to put you first.”

I steered the conversation to share how I serve Katie and mentioned a time when I forgot to open a car door a few years ago.

“She really yelled at you?” my daughter said aghast.

“She didn’t scold me but she did raise her voice and let me know that I needed to get to the other side of the car ASAP to open her door – and I’ll never forget again,” I said with a snicker.

My daughter already knows I do the cooking for us and I reiterated that the reason I do is twofold: first because working in the kitchen is not something Katie enjoys and second because it gives me a chance to express love – much in the same fashion her beau can express affection when he holds a door and lets her walk in before him.

I talked and she listened. I didn’t make it at all about me submitting and her dominating. Rather I kept the tone vanilla and relaxed and mentioned in various ways that the work I do for Katie keeps my heart and actions attuned to her.  My daughter understood. What she does with the information is up to her but I do hope a few seeds take root.

I know another young lady. This one is a spitfire, even though she is all of 14 and weighs not a drop over 100#’s.  She asked me one day, “What is your wife going to cook you for dinner?”

I shocked her when I answered, “She doesn’t cook me dinner ever. I cook for her?”

“Why!”

“Because that’s what my wife wants. She wants me to cook for her.”

“Why doesn’t she do the cooking?”

I smiled broadly, “Because I do.”

She left shaking her head but a week later she asked the same question and I gave her the same answer. This time I asked why her dad didn’t cook for her mom. She didn’t have an answer other than ‘because mom does the cooking’. 

“That’s no excuse,” I said. “Your dad could do it just as easily as your mom.”

The subject changed but the seed was planted.  I love planting seeds. I love making young minds re-evaluate life, situations, and predicaments. Sometimes we do things because that’s the way mom and dad did it.  How many of us vote as we do because that’s how mom and dad voted?  Too many. In the end, we never think. We never use our brains and really assess. I’ve stated this before: One of the best things a person can do is to try to prove themselves wrong rather than justify their current position. Why you ask? Because it forces you to think outside the box and in the process maybe look at things a wee bit differently.

I’m Hers

Friday, March 6, 2015

Am I just a good F....?

Katie and I made love this morning. We did it the same way we always do and it was once again a fantastic, mind-blowing experience – even if I never reached that pinnacle of emotion. That’s OK because she did – many times – and so I guess the extra times she got to the summit, more than made up for me not getting there. 

In any event, it got me thinking back to a comment I made when we were in a similar position and that comment reminded me of how much both of us have changed over the years. Back then, before femdom entered our life, I made love in a particular way and with a particular mindset and goal in mind. Yes it was partly to please Katie but, if truth be told, it was mostly about pleasing me.  Even then it was wonderful – different but wonderful. 

Back before ‘then’ when we were dating and I was unsure about committing to another woman, we got into an argument.  I told Katie, “I’m just not sure about you and about committing.” She lost her cool and responded, “What, am I just a good f---?”  She said angrily.

Of course she wasn’t and we ended up marrying sometime later, but as I lay in bed hard and motionless this morning with Katie moving on me as she wished. I thought about those words. As an aside, if you’ve never tried making love with the express intent of letting her move to enjoy ‘you’, you ought to. It’s different and you might learn something about how she likes it.  For Katie, she takes her time. She moves for awhile and then she pauses – moves and pauses. Sometimes she moves slow, other times fast; sometimes she moves ‘this’ way and at other times she moves ‘that’ way. Sometimes I’ll move and at other times she will put her hand on my hip indicating I need to stop. But I digress. 

I was saying that we were making love and it got me thinking about a comment I had made when we were making love at an earlier time. The comment I made in the throes of passion was the same one she threw at me as a barb so many years ago, “So am I just good for sex?”  Before I said it, I thought about it in the context of us now and of me in particular. I thought about it with where I was and what I was and wasn’t doing while making love to this beautiful woman wrapped around me.  I was lying next to my woman, my wife, my Mistress and I was pressed against her with my arms wrapped around her body. I was pretty still for the most part as that is how she likes me mostly. She was moving – actually moving and pausing. She was enjoying me, completely free of any pressure to perform or satisfy. She knew I was loving every moment of our intimacy. She was focused on her, and what I had to offer. She was enjoying the closeness and the intimacy of the moment. We had been that way for some time when I interrupted the silence and said with a grin, “Katie, am I just a good F?” She knew what I meant when I said 'F'.  She knew.

I could feel the muscles on the side of her face tighten and knew she had smiled. She answered, “No, you’re more than that.”

I knew what she meant and she explained later. I am her sub and I am there to be used for her pleasure (not that I mind), but I am also her best friend, her husband, and the person she loves spending time with more than any other.  That is what ‘more’ meant when she answered I was more than that. 

There is not a day that goes by now when I do not thank God for opening my eyes to a better way of loving my wife.  The adage, “it is better to give than to receive” is wise beyond words.  My desire to submit, to make a conscious effort to please her, satisfies me at so many levels.  Her desire to lead and enjoy my services does the same, yet in different ways.

I hope you will make giving to your spouse your highest priority. May we together give, and in the process be blessed in so many ways.


I’m Hers

Saturday, February 28, 2015

Active Participants

On Becoming a Surrendered Husband wrote a post recently in which he referred to a study stating most all men have fantasized about being dominated by a woman physically. He transitioned his discussion of this topic into one possible alternative to living under the cruel hand of a dominant woman by stating the following:
"Other than in our dreams where we live as 24/7 doormats and whipping boys, life would not be so great to be an actual slave and be beaten into submission all the time. Nor would your Woman’s life be all that great if she had to micro manage everything to did and punish you without ceasing in order to get you to do it.
A far happier model that I have found is to live in anticipation of her every want and need."
I enjoyed the post and agree with him. He made the comparison of a submissive tending to his dominant in much the same way a servant would a queen - that he would be proactive and perform expected duties without having her supervising his every move.  And that only makes sense.  Any employee works with the same mindset. Students do as well. Responsible children act similarly with respect to their chores.  In each situation each person does what is expected of them without their "superior" standing over them to make sure they are doing every specific task expected.

When Katie and I first contemplated a FLR relationship we read the short book Uniquely Rika. She made a similar point - that the submissive should be proactive by thinking one or two steps ahead of his wife and avoid her having to instruct him.

May I suggest a counterpoint? As much as I strive to be the person that takes care of Katie without her having to stand over me I have to admit that I do enjoy her expressing her dominance. For example, I just paused writing this post because Katie called me from the other room and told me to bring in the plants on the deck as the temps will fall below freezing tonight. I answered, "yes ma'am", immediately got up and completed the chore. It only took a minute and it's done. Now I'm back writing but I welcome those kinds of statements. They are good for both of us - good for me to 'jump' when told to do something and good for her to know she can make such commands and expect results ASAP.

I'm sure there is a fine line to tread that both the dominant and submissive need to tread as we both need to be 'active' participants in this lifestyle. Maybe in time I will feel differently. Maybe in time I will simply become her slave and do my job without needing (or wanting) to be told or reminded of things needing completed.  But I'm not there yet. However I've moved along that continuum quite a bit since we first began and Katie has as well. What use to be questions are now statements. What use to be 'can you do.....' has progressed to just 'do....."  And I love it!

I'm Hers