Tuesday, September 29, 2015

Running to Chastity

I smiled last week when Mr Ellie from the Serving Ellie blog wrote about his wife agreeing to place him in chastity. What humored me was not so much that she agreed to do something she was initially hesitant to do but how this decision came about. If you read his first post Mr. Ellie basically said, “Mrs. Ellie, I'm having trouble controlling my masturbation and I think the best way to curb this is to put me into a cage.”  In the final paragraph of that post Mr. Ellie let’s his readers know he is leaning toward one particular device but wanted to hear others’ thoughts BUT within 48 hours he made had made his decision and I'm sure the cage was in the mail hours later and is now securely anchored to his body.

I smiled when I read what he had to say. Actually I read the “The decision is made” one before I viewed the “Ellie, we have a problem” one. For those of you who wear such a device, can you identify with his feelings and emotions? I can. Mr. Ellie asked for opinions on sizing during that initial post. He didn’t want to get it wrong. He wanted to size the ring properly. One commenter suggested he order sizing rings from another company. That was a great idea - a fail-safe way, in fact, to make sure he didn't waste his hard earned money. But if he chose to do that he'd have to wait another 7-10 days for those little rings to arrive. To Mr. Ellie, at that moment - that moment when she FINALLY said 'yes' - that option must have felt like an eternity and I bet Mr. Ellie considered that commenter's option for less than 3 seconds - even though he’s lived a life in penis-freedom for literally thousands of days. To wait another week? Are you kidding me? There was no way his 'chastity-laden mind' was going to delay a day longer than necessary. No way Jose! He probably said, ‘Heck (he's a Christian guy remember and doesn't curse) with the sizing. Heck with the $50. Just get me the device and lock me up, Mrs. Ellie!” 

Now, I know those exact words probably never came out of his mouth but I could sense his urgency. I could sense him wanting to seize the moment of his wife’s “weakness” – her f-i-n-a-l-l-y  saying ‘yes’ to chastity. After all this was his submissive-dream come true - to finally be locked up nice and tight!

I read some weeks/months ago on Katie Christian’s My Chaste Husband’s blog of her husband coming to her expressing the same concerns for the same reasons. Her reaction was much different. I believe she called him a pervert – or at least thought as much. I’m sure those words or her negative reception of his desire to be put into a device felt like a knife blow to the center of his heart.

In both instances I believe both men talked to their wives with a sense of desperation. I’ve heard psychologists refer to these overt suggestions as a ‘cry for help’.  I’m sure we all have those moments when we feel as if we simply cannot beat the villain in our life and finally come to someone near and dear and say in so many words, “please help me by doing this or that or help me to not do this or that.” 

For Mr. Katie Christian and for Mr. Ellie, I’m glad both of their wives saw the potential positives in that cry for help. For Mr. Katie Christian, he’s been locked long enough for Mrs. Katie Christian to see the benefit locking him for an extended period has. For Mrs. Ellie, I hope she finds the same to be true and isn't afraid to put the key away for a few months to really watch the change in her husband take place before her eyes.

But for Mr Katie Christian and Mr Ellie I’m almost certain their adrenaline levels remained in a continual state of hyper drive during the ‘waiting for the appliance to arrive’-interlude, as well as during those few days after the lock was clicked shut. I know I can remember waiting for the plain brown box to arrive in the mail. I can remember fitting it that first time and then clicking the lock. I can remember feeling awkward showing my 'little me' to Katie those first few times. I can remember her worrying about me remaining clean since I was now stuck inside a plastic tube. I can remember her worrying if the device was too tight and might cause permanent damage to my goods. I can remember the general excitement of everything surrounding this new beginning of my life/our lives together.

What I’ve noticed in my blog has been the slow transition of posts that resemble less and less those adrenaline assisted writings. I’ve been wondering if the posts have become more blasé, and maybe they have. If so, it’s because my submissive life can only have so many new things happen until there is no more new stuff to write about.  Chastity is just that now – I’m locked. Denial is no longer the “I’ve been denied for 9 days 15 hours and 11 minutes” rush.  Rather it’s more like, I’ve not floored the gas pedal in six or seven months and I wonder if I ever fully rev the engine again. I don’t feel titillated when Katie asks me to cook her dinner or vacuum the floor. I’ve got chores to do so I do them.

But for Mr. Ellie…. I’m happy for him. I hope he guessed the right size. I hope he feels ecstatic being locked. I hope it reinforces his submission to his wife. I hope he comes to love those 5 AM wake up calls when Rocky wants to stretch but no longer has room to do so and pulls his balls painfully tight. I hope he and his Mistress can laugh and joke about how long she wants to lock him just because she has the power to do so now. I hope he thinks about her brief squeeze in the morning when she checks her goods. I hope he thinks about how hot she was for grabbing him there 10 hours previous. I’m happy for him because I remember just how happy I was when all those things happened to me. Merry Christmas Mr. Ellie! And in the end, I do hope it curbs the very thing you’ve wanted to stop.

I’m Hers

Thursday, September 24, 2015

Kiss my nose

Katie asked me in the morning if I had been dreaming of snakes last night. I asked if I had been shaking or moving in my sleep and she informed me that I had.  Every so often I dream of being in water with big black thick water snakes. They never get me but they're definitely creepy. Thus the question.

"No," I answered, "it was probably me dreaming of the orgasm I never got when we make love earlier."

She laughed.

Indeed, we had made love last night, just before falling asleep and of course she experienced those tremors a few times while I served as the source of her pleasure.  We both enjoyed ourselves fully - just in different ways and I hope we do so again tonight, and tomorrow and the next night :)

On my drive to work - it's a significant drive - I sent her a text. To understand the double meaning of the text you need to understand that a few nights ago one of Katie's 'friends' on a social media site posted the following cartoon. It was one that kind of pushed the boundaries of what should be on such a social media site but this woman chose to do so.

When she showed me the cartoon it tickled my funny bone. It tickled it a lot. I couldn't stop laughing and later kept snickering everytime I thought of the stupid catch phrase meshed with the inverted man.

On my way to work, I thought of the inverted man and smiled again. A thought came to mind and I sent her a text:
"I liked the way you played with my "nose" last night. Feel free to do so again tonight if you'd like."

I got one of those smiley face emoticons blowing me a heart shaped kiss in reply.

At the next traffic light some minutes later I wrote again. "Given that it's allergy season I was surprised my nose didn't start running last night."

She responded, "LOL."

I responded again, "I think my nose is on some kind of prolonged decongestant. It hasn't run in a long time. I don't think allergy season, or even for that matter, the common cold, will get it to run."

Her response" "Sinus blockage."

Some minutes later I texted I'd be arriving at my destination in a few minutes.  She called, as I was pretty sure she would.  At some point during our conversation I asked, "Do you think that congestion is anything to worry about? I mean, it really has been going on for quite some time."

I think she could hear the smile in my voice. "Naw," she said. Suppressing a similar smile, "I think you'll be just fine."

And so our conversation ended.

Amidst the humor of our exchange there is a serious unspoken undertone that we share.  My 'nose' hasn't run since early February - a little over seven months - and apparently won't be running any time soon.  The app on my phone puts the time in the 220 day range.  That length is the longest I've gone and most likely it will be for a significant period longer before the 'allergies' overwhelm the effects of the decongestant if you know what I mean.

Katie prefers the 'chaste' me. She likes my attention. She likes sex being about her. She likes my mood, my attentiveness, my desire to please, want, crave, lust, etc..... all those yummy feelings I love feeling toward her as well. She likes me like this because she knows I like me like this. We make love. We have a healthy sex life. She enjoys my body and I hers. We share intimacy as a married couple should. Not only so but I am able (don't ask me how) to satisfy her for as long as she wants - most of the time. There are times when I send out a warning, "I'm getting close" but for the majority of our interludes that hasn't been a problem. But beyond the 'chaste me' and the 'horny her', there is a casual bonding to our sex life that keeps the dialog of this part of our marriage open both mentally and verbally. 

There is the daily, "do you want me to lock" question each morning as well as the, "is it ok to unlock, Mistress?" question each night at bedtime.  There is the visual, I see him locking each morning and I hear him ask to unlock, and watch him do so every night. There is the "ahhhh" sound of pleasure I utter most nights when the cage comes off. I don't know why but it feels good to get out of the cramped quarters and express that emotional release, if you will. There is the grab of my crotch if she hasn't watched me lock when I come down stairs to check on me. There is me embracing her from behind and kissing her neck and feeling her press her rump into the steel on my front. It's playful. It shows her acceptance of my chastity. It's fun. There's lots of that kind of stuff.

But there is the other part as well. There's the knowledge that we can laugh about having one's 'nose' kissed when we see a silly adult cartoon. There are the texts we can send that hint of what was, what is, and what might be. On the surface, all that is fun. It surely makes me smile and I hope my silly texts bring a grin to her as well - that's why I send them.  On a deeper level, that kind of interaction speaks to our openness of our sex life. We can share. We can talk about sex. We can talk about our bodies in a healthy way. "I love those girls" is a common phrase I often share - a compliment, if you will. The girls of course belong to her and indeed they are beautiful - stunningly beautiful - but I surely do love them and Katie lets me hug them most any time. I think she loves the attention and affection, even if I'm a little gropey at times. 

But deeper still is the understanding of our relationship. She's my Mistress and I her sub. All those silly, casual, romantic 'things' (I hate that word) we do continually reinforce our wife led marriage understanding. She is in charge. She controls the bedroom. She decides if I'll be free for the night, or for a weekend day or not; not me. She checks to see if I'm locked. I don't grope her. She determines how long my time in denial will last and I honor her authority by letting her know, "I'm getting close" or by refusing to self pleasure during those times I am free for the day. And through it all - all of those things, all of those feelings, all of those rituals, all of those spontaneous actions - reinforce the bigger picture - of her being in charge.

Because our femdom relationship has a definite sexual component, that component has permitted the two of us to share about our sexual feelings more openly (a lot more openly) than if there was no such component. Now as the male, who can't hardly get those kinds of thoughts out of my generally pure and upstanding mind, I tend to be the one that verbalizes such thoughts first, but I have a pretty good hunch she has similar ones. She's just too lady like to speak her mind. Rather, she'll give me the,"mmmmm" expressed in that husky way that oozes with "I want you" every now and then. It's unmistakable and I love it. That husky, guttural, "mmmmm" does two things. First it lets me know she wants me, even if it's during a phone conversation or while we are walking hand in hand in the mall. Second, it makes me think of her even more - for a long time. I think of how fun she is; how beautiful she is; how lucky I am; and a whole lot of other, not so PG-13 thoughts. 

So to all of you guys that have sex, ejaculate, roll over and fall asleep before she gets back from the bathroom, you have no idea just how much you are missing. Sure, firing your pistol is better than no sex at all but you can't imagine how much better life could be. It's almost like going buck hunting, seeing a 12 point, sighting it and then pulling it down because he vanished before you could site the bead on its chest. The story will last a lifetime even though you never fired.  And like an old doctor friend of mine once told me, "If all you have is a hammer, then everything looks like a nail."  Boys, you need to be willing to put some more tools into your toolbag and expand your world beyond the immediate - ready, aim, fire, fall asleep. 

And to the ladies, a premise I've always believed to be true: " 'No' always wins." That's another way to say, it takes two to tango and since he wants you, you can dictate how that plays out because you're the one, not him that is more willing than not to say, 'no, I'm too tired. Maybe another night." I dare say you could tell him just how you'd like it and in doing so discover an entirely different (and maybe better) side to the man you hold so dear. Or you could come back from the bathroom to a sound-asleep husband. The choice is yours. If you deny him, you won't have to get out of the warm bed to use the bathroom, and you will have a husband willing to cuddle and snuggle you and feel his pistol with the safety off all night long. What sounds better to you?

I'm Hers

Friday, September 18, 2015

Financial Decisions

Last week a strong storm moved through our neighborhood. Neither of us were home at the time. I was a 100 miles away; Katie about five. When she drove up the drive she was greeted by the sight of a 60' maple laying on our house. The tree had uprooted and fallen, eventually ending up on the porch roof. I got a frantic phone call as soon as Katie saw the tree.

"Did you get my text? Did you see the picture I sent?" She said almost hysterically.

I could tell she was frazzled. Asking what was wrong she clued me in. She was OK, none of the windows broken, the main house roof was intact although the tree lying where it was presented an obvious problem. It was a big tree.

And..... it happened at 4:45 on the Friday of Labor Day weekend. No one was working. Even our insurance guy was away.  As things turned out we were able to get someone to get the tree off the house and harmlessly onto the front lawn. You have to love what a Bobcat can do in a matter of minutes.

Now we are in the midst of fixing the problem which means lots of phone calls. Having roof damage when we already have 25 year old shingles led Katie to consider whether we should reshingle the entire roof. The choice to do so comes with an additional (and unplanned) expense. And then there were gutters to consider. Because several were damaged she thought of upgrading them as well to some form of  'gutter guard/helmet' since we rely on someone to clean them annually. We are getting older and I understand her plan is to make things easier for us as we age. And then I've been forbidden to go on the upper roof - which makes me cleaning gutters out of the question (probably a good idea). 

Hopefully this will be the last roof we ever purchase.  Lots of questions. Lots to consider. Lots to decide. And so it all began. The insurance adjuster came. A roofer came. Another is coming, and after him, probably two more. A gutter/fascia guy or three will be stopping by as well.  And then we will discuss and finally Katie will decide.

I  made it known the least expensive and least stressful route is to spend the insurance money and replace what was damaged and leave the bigger project of a new roof for a later time.  I'm pretty sure that option has been vetoed. I've suggested and let my opinion be known. I won't push that further unless she reconsiders.

She's had me call to schedule roofers and gutter-guys (is that what they're called?) to get estimates.  In the end the choice will be hers but it will be  hers after we both have exchanged thoughts, ideas and tossed around different possibilities.

I wanted to write about this particular incident because it falls into a different category than our other purchases. Usually we don't work together. Usually she buys items as she sees fit. But this is a big deal and one outside her comfort level. If the quality of the materials are topnotch and the color fits what she likes, that's good for her. Words like eves, rafters, fascia, etc are meaningless to her and for that reason she wants my input.  

What to do with the roof is different than the typical. For example, she received a call from her daughter yesterday. 

"Mom, I just found dehumidifiers on sale for 70% off!" 

We don't need a dehumidifier although we use one in our basement. Last night however we purchased one - for $50 rather than $180.  Her rationale was that we'd have a new one should the old one go and not have to pay full price. Smart girl!

That's the expected. She sees, she decides, she lets me know afterward. On the bigger things in life - like our roof - or when the transmission of her vehicle decided to die - we talk and then she decides - and sometimes she'll lean heavily on my thoughts. I don't ever feel like she's giving up control but rather we both know who is the boss. She uses my thoughts to help her make the best possible decision.

I don't know how you all work through your purchases. I'm sure all homes do it slightly different. I wanted to share, at least in a small way, how she handles ours.

I'm Hers 

Addendum: Katie has since vetoed the thought of replacing gutters with some type of gutter covering. Feedback from a few (of you) that I contacted factored into that decision along with the opinion of a roofer that counseled us to keep what we have and replace only the gutters the tree damaged.

Saturday, September 12, 2015

Serving at the Pleasure of the Board

This morning, a Saturday, Katie and I slept in. We love to sleep in whenever we can. Sleeping in means really sleeping in; like getting up between 11 and noon. Today we finally got out of bed at exactly twelve-noon. Ah, it felt so good even if we did wake an hour earlier. We slept most of the night, and morning, and late morning with one of us spooning against the other. Our nights tend to be that way – with me wrapped around her or her around me. Anyway, when we finally woke Katie curled her body around me while I held her tight and lay on my back.

“I love being right here,” she said, her hand finding my uniquely male part which quickly shot to attention.

She played with me for the next several minutes, grabbing me, squeezing me, grabbing and shaking me and rubbing a little here and a little there before I finally asked, “What are you thinking about when you do that?”

“I don’t know, I just like doing it.”

During the minutes she played, I thought of the phrase I’ve heard at times, “He/she serves at the pleasure of the Board.” It’s an expression sometimes used to describe those like college presidents, CEO’s and similar that act as the figurehead of a company but really execute the orders of the Board that own the company.

In any event, I felt this Saturday morning that my body was serving the pleasure of the Board – the Board consisting of Katie. I laid still and let her play. I held her because I knew she loves having me do so. My thoughts went to how foreign my thoughts and feelings must be to her. I mean, she’s never been in my position. She’s never felt as if her body existed solely for my pleasure. And of course that’s true. That’s my role, not hers. She’s not lived the life of a submissive. She’s not been the one doing what she’s told. Only I have. She’s always been the one in charge and neither of us have a desire to switch.

Personally I love serving at Katie’s pleasure. I really do love being hers. I love seeing her feeling so free to express, play, have fun and be herself. If that alone was the sole benefit of a WLM that might be enough. Of course, there is much more that we’ve discovered along the way that is all positive and I’ve written at length about all the good of a femdom marriage. But on this morning, letting her be a goof was enough.

The good of Katie’s prolonged ‘play-time’ was how it progressed. We progressed from being close to being even closer. Fifteen minutes or so later after I heard several ‘yummy oohs, and ahhs’ we rose and began our day. No sooner did we dress then I heard more magic words, “do you want to go out to eat for lunch?”

“What do you have a hankering for?” I asked.

“I’m feeling fish.”

And so we did.

The waitress took her order, I"d like fried flounder; can I get dark side only?" she asked. 


Ten minutes later our meals arrived, two orders of fried flounder with hush-puppies, baked potato and ice tea - with lemon of course. And so we ate, with all the other seniors who arrived when we did just so they could get their meal before the dinner menu prices went in effect and prices went up. Gosh we're getting old!

OK, enough writing. Time to snuggle with my wife while we watch the 10 PM news. I'm so tired. Been a looong day. I've been up for 10 hours!

I’m out of here.

I’m Hers

Tuesday, September 8, 2015

Stare if you Dare

In an effort to lighten the mood every now and again I opted to write about something not at all mainstream. I can't be serious all the time and although I do try to keep the tone of the blog mostly PG13, this one is probably more of a PG-16 or even R.

The other evening Katie was browsing through her social media site and happened to spot something posted by another social media 'friend'. The post referenced something from TMZ - one of those TV shows I often wonder why they continue to have ratings high enough to remain on the air but I guess that speaks to the IQ of our society at large - rapidly plummeting below the 100 level. Now to TMZ's credit they didn't air this on the networks but someone happened to find it and it came to Katie's attention. 

The story and associated video was about a man who is in possession of a 19 inch long penis.  Yes, you heard me right - that's 48.2 centimeters for you metric types. 

Don't believe me, Click here where a new window should pop-up and you can see it for yourself and read all about it. Have no fear, if you watch the video you won't really see it as it's kind of enclosed inside some type of large tube sock. But you'll see enough. It's big!

For those of you who aspire to the notion that bigger is better, I guess you're suddenly feeling a bit impotent. To those that have wasted your hard earned money on those male growth products that can be found almost nightly on both TV and radio, I guess you'll have to invest several hundred more in the futile hope of ever enlarging enough to even getting close to the gold standard set by this gentleman.

To those of you recently purchased the new-found book by Dr Seuss, you know, the author of such best sellers as Sox on Fox and One Fish Two Fish? Yes the same Dr. Seuss whose family discovered and published a recently found manuscript  Which Pet Should I Get to read to your child. I think he might have some competition now as this gentleman might soon be writing an adult version of 'his story'. I heard he might call it Cox in Sox.

Enjoy your week

I'm Hers

Thursday, September 3, 2015

Biting one's tongue

Not all parts of submission come easy. As a man, I do have a will, desires and wants. They may not always be the best, most prudent or wisest but they do exist.  What can make submission difficult is deferring when those desires appear important at the time.

Sometimes I feel rejected or ignored but that 'sting' lasts for only a short time and then passes. What I need to never forget is stepping back to keep the bigger picture in focus. What is ultimately important is not getting my way but making sure the relationship remains intact and that means me remaining obedient without exception. 

I remember Cathy (Femdom 101) making a comment on a previous post where I noted I sit when using the toilet because that's what Katie wanted. Her comment was quite profound stating: if a man can't do the little things (like sitting as he's been told), he will never be able to do the bigger things. 

If I may make a parallel to a related passage in the Good Book, Paul wrote the following: "but we rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint …” 

Paul was encouraging others to not give up because there was something bigger at stake.  The same is true with respect to our wife led marriage relationship. If we both abide by what we said we were committed to – me obeying and her leading – the bigger ‘prize’ of intimacy of increasing depth is possible.

So, yes, there are times when she wants to do this and I want to do that. However, if I fail to obey but instead put up a stink or grumble because of what she wants, I might get my way 'this time' but I would also usurp a wee bit of her authority. The better choice is to remain silent and embrace her decision - no matter how I feel. Now, that is not to say I can’t gently and respectfully share an alternative thought, but how I do that becomes of the utmost importance. 

One character trait that has changed since my submission as been my level of patience. By nature, I'm not the most patient. I can be impulsive. I’ll say things before I’ve thought things through, do things without looking at the bigger picture, etc.  That part of me makes for my adventurous side. I like pushing the envelope, trying foods I’ve never had, taking chances, thinking 'I could do that' when there is no chance in the world I ever could, and the like. Katie is not of the same mindset. She’s thoughtful, prudent and cautious. She looks at the bigger picture more than I. But because I’ve committed to obey, I’ve become more like her; sometimes that’s been imposed, but mostly I’ve come to see the wisdom of her ways.

That’s not to say I don’t internally grumble or throw up my hands and scream ‘why?!’ when driving alone to work, but I understand there is a bigger end, a bigger reward, in remaining obedient.  And besides, I view Katie’s dominant side as hot, sexy, and luring. I find her confidence attractive. I love knowing being married to a self-confident wife and she has grown tremendously since I first yielded to her. I credit some of her growth to me keeping my mouth shut when we've disagreed. I've encouraged her to lead, even if my choice would have been different. 

There is a difference in making a decision when the ramifications of that choice only impacts her and making a decision that impacts the two of us. To do the latter requires a greater level of confidence and self-assurance. Deciding for the two of us implies she has the trust that I’ll support her. That is what Katie has finally achieved although it’s taken several years to get here.

Just today, before she left the house she stated, “I don’t want the dog outside. If you’re going to work in the garage, keep the door shut.” There wasn’t malice in her instruction. There wasn’t condescension but there was confidence in making her wishes known no matter what I might have been thinking of doing once she left.

That little bit of "I stated what I wanted without getting questioned by him" when added to several hundred previous statements that also encountered no criticism or rebuke has helped Katie become the leader she isn’t naturally. Like most things in life, it takes practice to become good at something. If I had made her role as mistress wife difficult, she might have already given up her decision to lead. ‘Success breeds success’, and ‘start successful and end successful’ are both statements pointing to the fact that for one to become a strong leader they need to have a following that embraces what it is they want to achieve.  I’m sure that if I questioned her now, vs. doing so two years ago, I’d get a very different response to my ill-stated words than two years previous.  She has confidence now she didn’t have then and I anticipate she will have much more if I continue to obey and willingly follow where she takes us.

So, although I don’t get my way all the time and although I every so often struggle with not getting what I want, I have learned the wisdom of swallowing the “but Sweetheart, don’t you think it would be better if….” and in so doing, questioning her decision. The small suffering endured is so worth it because I understand what is really at risk – the very basis of our wife led marriage. It necessitates my obedience and giving her the room to lead as she sees fit.

I’m Hers

Friday, August 28, 2015

“I love that you take care of me”

I have an email folder entitled ‘post ideas’. Whenever I can’t think of something to write I often go looking in that folder for topics to write. Today was one such day. I’ve not had many ideas to write about lately and needed some help – and so I delved into the folder and found the above quote.

My marriage with Katie is so normal. I mean it’s really normal. I work full-time; she works part-time and cares for a grandchild a few days of the week. I guess that makes her work nearly full-time although she isn’t monetarily compensated for that ‘other’ job. We live in a nice home, enjoy working in the yard, socializing with friends, watching TV in the evening and making time to go out for a dinner date at least once a week. Mostly we love being at home. Katie will tell you that she indeed is a homebody. She loves the security and familiarity of being here – at home and I wish for nothing more than to remain by her side – wherever she is.

What makes us different from others is the way we relate. We are happy, in love, and wish nothing more than to spend every day together. It pains Katie when she has to work a Saturday, knowing it’s one of my two days off. It pains me when I tell her I’ll be home late because of work responsibilities. I work with kids and often have to contact their parents. The first question I usually ask the child before I call is: “Should I call your mom, your dad or doesn’t it matter?”  It really is a very sad question since most of those whom I work with live in a single parent homes. Something happened between mom and dad that resulted in a relational failure. They emotionally separated and then physically moved apart. I hate hearing of a child lives with only one parent because I know the love that should be there between parents that isn’t. When it’s lost, everyone involved loses.

The other evening Katie met up with three friends. She alerted them she’d arrive in a few minutes and that must have gotten them talking about us because when she arrived she heard them asking, ‘where are all the Ken’s?” All three women are single. All three are looking. When Katie joined them they remarked how nice of a couple we make and how lucky she is to have me.  Of course I see that from the other side of the coin – that I’m lucky to have Katie, but the point here is we are very happy, very much in love and people can see what we have. So much of our world is hurting and lonely. I know when I was single and started looking for a mate – before Katie and I found one another – I saw just how lonely our world is.  It’s scary lonely out there.

When I came to Katie and formally asked for her to reconsider how we related, and her assuming the position as head of our home, my life became a bit busier. Cooking was the most difficult chore to accept. I remember thinking just how much time I spent working in that one room.  After assuming responsibility for maintaining the home and the only person responsible for Katie’s well being, my mindset on life moved from one of self-centric to Katie-centric. What Katie immediately felt was my love as the personal attention I paid to her grew. Serving meals, cleaning floors, opening doors, giving up control of the remote, relinquishing financial and decisions making and generally catering life around her had a profound impact on our love life. That’s when the comment, “I love you taking care of me,” was first verbalized.

Of course, my kinky, submissive side wanted her to tell me how thankful she was to have a slave, or make me kneel while she stared down into my little-boy doe-eyes telling me I’d be her submissive husband forever. Instead she responded with words of love. “Thanks for caring for me.”

One of the adjustments I had to make after submitting was coming to terms with the reality of what I had asked. I knew I had stumbled onto a relational dynamic that filled a previously unknown inner need I had and when chastity, denial and service was added to that which she required that need took on a ‘kinky’ embodiment.  However, Katie wasn’t into kink. She didn’t consider chastity or denial or lovemaking her way kink. It was merely what she preferred. Rather. she wanted me to remain who I was – but pour my energy into loving and serving only her. In the bedroom that meant responding when she had interest although she enjoyed my continued pursuits. She expected me to dote daily and to show her love continuously. She also required me to do my chores so she wouldn’t have to.  There really isn’t kink in our life. Even I don’t consider chastity or denial kink anymore. Rather it’s the two of us living as everyone around us does with the one exception of she leads and decides and I follow that lead and obey those decisions.

In doing so, I express my love and devotion by my actions. Or as the Good Book puts it so elegantly in James, “Show me your faith without any actions, and I will show you my faith by my actions.” In other words – talk is cheap; let’s see who you are by what you do.  Submission is not an easy lifestyle. It requires work but it also results in the redeeming quality of gaining another’s affection, appreciation, approval and love. It also teaches the submissive how to love, how to give, how to live selflessly and how to serve. What more would a man want at the end of his day when he slips between the sheets next to the woman he married and know she thinks he is the most loving, caring and devoted man in the whole world? To have her snuggle close and welcome my embrace around her tender body and then fall asleep cuddled so tight is worth every weed picked, every dish washed and every item of clothing folded and hung.

I’m Hers