Saturday, August 16, 2014

Not an Ordinary Greeting

I had just typed a draft of this post and sent it to Katie to review and approve when I received a comment on the blog wondering if we ever had sex.  I smiled and wrote a quick response, basically saying we do and do so often.  I usually don't post on our sex life as this topic is one of our intimacy - and saved only for the two of us. Yet, sex is part of life. It's a good thing. It's a pleasurable part of a healthy relationship relationship and is arguably the most powerful way two people can bond.  The post below describes one such evening. Here it is what I wrote Katie to approve:

Last night Katie totally blew me away. As a bit of background, once a week Katie has a” girl’s night out” with a few of her closest friends. Last night happened to be that night. She left before I got home from work and spent a few hours enjoying company with friends. I got home an hour after she left the house and used the time to get my work-out in so that I’d be done before she returned. I don’t like working out when it takes time away from the two of us, even though there is value in exercising and something I enjoy doing. With Katie away, it permitted me an ideal opportunity to get some exercise rather than watching TV - actually I did a bit of both :)
Around 9:30 pm Katie arrived home, burst through the door with a beautiful smile and ran to me embracing me with a passionate hug and kiss. I was completely taken aback. We always kiss when one of us returns home but this greeting was more than your average ‘hi, I’m back’ kiss. This time there was passion oozing from her body. I love passion.  On top of that was her dress. She was wearing her usual blue jeans and flats but  tonight she wore a short sleeve white top that I had never seen before. She was absolutely stunning and it flamed my own hunger.
In the kitchen we embraced, she looking fantastic and smelling of Este Lauder while I was shirtless, sweaty and hot. Apparently my appearance wasn't a deterrent to her wanting to touch me. Who knows why she wanted to hug but she did. I asked what the occasion was and her response was straightforward as it always is, “I want you”. Wow! She knows how to make a guy’s day. She walked from room to room making sure the house was clean and doors were locked.  Rather than sitting together, which I expected she'd do, she told me it was time for bed. 
I thought, “whatever you say Katie. I’m coming.”
Just before we got into bed she said, “Oh, I don’t have to get up early,” and sighed with relief. 
Geez, and here I thought her hurry was to get up to the bedroom so we could make love! Instead her hurry was partly because she didn't want to be up late and lose precious sleep time.  Oh, well. But throwing me another curve she quickly readied for bed, turned out the lights, stripped, and lay on her back telling me she wanted me inside her. It was another one of those ‘I'm taken aback’ moments. Katie never lies on her back and allows me to take charge of our love making. It just never happens. Well, almost never. Tonight was different and we made love just as she wanted. It was beautiful. It was close. It was intimate. It was fun and in classic Katie style, when we were done she pushed me off and told me she needed to use the bathroom. :-)
So much for the post-coital snuggling. That had a wait a few minutes. It's times like these when I realize how much I love this woman. I love placing my trust in her. I told her as we lay in bed snuggling afterward that she's taught me how to be a better lover. She's taught me how to love; how to give rather than expect; to give rather than take. She's taught me how to be patient. She's taught me how to listen to her body, to move when she wants and be still when that is her preference; to hold her when she wants to be held; to give her space when she needs room to breathe; to engage her in conversations that interest her and not just me. She’s helped me learn that my place is not to nag or complain but to lean on her and wait until she is ready. I told her that I would do anything for her and I meant it. But I told her how I trust her to look after me with as much effort as I strive to take care of her. The difference of course is that my caring includes serving and obeying while her caring involves the responsibility of leading and guiding.
Our relationship is not the typical marital one that most couples share but it's one that works for us. It’s one that's based on love and trust and communication and closeness. It's one in which we have both accepted our respective roles; my role of obeying and serving and her role of guiding and leading. It's a beautiful way to live.
I’m Hers

Sunday, August 10, 2014

"It's Normal to Masturbate"

This post is about masturbation and is the result of comments I've read on other blogs while researching the previous post, as well as recent comments I've read on the subject. Of course, to get a good discussion going, I need to light a fire so this will be my tactful attempt to do so and hopefully provide some food for thought.  Enjoy.

Normal. The word appears to be so straight-forward, so easy to define, but when you think about it, it is far from definitive.  Normal has to do with what we see most often. It’s normal for people in the States to live in a home. It’s not normal to live out of your car.  We define normal to mean ‘that which most people do.’  Here are some more examples:

  • It is normal for couples to marry more than once.
  • It is normal to ignore posted speed limits and travel faster than what is posted.
  • In the south it’s normal to ‘travel’ in the ‘passing’ lane. :)  Aaaaagggghhhh!!!!!!!
  • It’s normal when arguing to progress from rational, higher levels of thinking (reasoning, making valid points, listening to the other side) to lower, more childish ones (getting angry, yelling, and fighting).
  • It’s normal to lie and keep secrets from family members when you've done something wrong- at least some of the time.
  • It’s normal to be overweight – at least 70% of us are.
  • It’s normal to have sex about once a week (according to statistics)
  • It’s normal for adults to not exercise enough – only 20% do.
  • It’s normal to be in debt
  • It’s normal to masturbate
  • It’s normal for men to think about other women when they masturbate.

OK, I’m-Hers, where are you going with this?  I am going to my final two examples of ‘normal’…. Masturbation.  Masturbation is normal. I get it. I do it – at least some - when I am permitted by Katie. I don’t fantasize anymore because I don’t have the ability to do  so because I am locked and if I do stroke myself, I do so while Katie is present next to me in bed. (She tolerates me doing this every now and then.)  What struck me when I researched and wrote the post about the woman that supposedly locked her son in chastity to curb his masturbatory habit was the number of comments that were akin to this: “Dude, wanking off is normal. If you don’t agree I’m going to punch you in the face!”

That is the comment of an idiot. Their normal is determined by them alone and is viewed as the only way one should be live and act.  If that is you, then you are an idiot – at least during the few seconds while you thought that thought :).  

There are lots of things we do that are normal that are not wise: speeding, putting on too much weight, not exercising, having too much stress in our lives, not treating our partner with the utmost respect all the time, etc.  Just because ‘most’ people do it, doesn’t mean it’s the right thing to do. Just because it's 'normal' doesn't automatically qualify it as being wise, right and just. I’ve said this before and I will most likely repeat this saying because it is filled with wisdom: Don’t try to prove yourself right. Rather, try to prove yourself wrong.  

Another ‘norm’ is we are inherently insecure individuals. Because we are, we always are defending our actions – regardless if they are proper or stupid ones. 

Here’s another: Masturbation is ‘healthy’. The ‘healthy’ argument usually revolves around, the ‘you can’t let semen stay in your body too long or it will harm you’. I disagree with that. Nocturnal dreams/nightly emissions release semen. A full prostate is very effectively milked and semen released during bowel movements when the prostate is full. The body has built-in mechanisms to maintain its own healthy state and so I don't buy the I'm masturbating to keep myself healthy. Nice try but that is a lousy argument. Try again :)

So is masturbation wrong? My answer is yes and no. I think it’s quite healthy, especially when a partner stimulates their partner. One man wrote a comment that he has ED and mastubation is how they share their lovemaking. I think that is so cool.  It is an intimate and open act shared (and maybe that is a key to all this - it's shared) by he and his wife. That is an act of intimacy. Its bonding because it is shared. 

However, when a man (or woman) goes into a room, locks the door and self-stimulates. I don’t think that is healthy. I don't think it should be done. I don't think that because you have the urge, you have to act on it. If you have to lock a door to do anything the fact that you locked the door speaks volumes. Why do you get off in the shower, closet, attic or some other isolated place rather than with your significant other? What are you hiding? Seems to me the implications to what you are doing are far different than the man with ED masturbating while cuddled in bed with his wife.

That’s my opinion. OK, I lit the fire. Feel free to douse water all over by party.

I'm Hers

Tuesday, August 5, 2014

Single Moms, Masturbating Sons, Chastity

I had scheduled this post to appear on the blog in early August but with the great discussion on chastity on the femdom101 blog I thought it would be pertinent to post it sooner rather than later:

A few weeks ago I happened to come across one of those Yahoo threads in which a single dad chose to stop his son from masturbating 3-4 times a day by purchasing TWO chastity devices. He approached the situation with his teenager by agreeing to lock himself up if his son would agree to lock up too.  I found the thought interesting and the other day did a Google search trying to locate the thread so I could reread it.  I never found it but did find a fascinating blog written by a single mother from Long Island.  I pasted the link to her blog at the end of this post. 

The blog is the story of how she too, chose to use a chastity appliance to handle a son that was out of control - with excessive and chronic masturbation only one part of his many control issues.  I strongly encourage you to read her story. It will take you a few hours to work through all of her posts. She walks the reader through a year of her life with her son, daughter and a neighbor girl.  I don't necessarily agree with all that this mother chose to do but I admire her on many levels for taking a strong approach with his 'issue'.

What got me thinking as I read other Yahoo threads and blog comments on other pages were the number of mothers that have locked up young males in order to prevent them from masturbating.  I find the trend fascinating and wonder how prevalent this practice is among parents.  My hunch is that with the increase in single-parent homes with mothers being the lone adult raising children the approach to post-pubescent sons might play out a bit differently than it would be in a two-parent household where the influence of a father that masturbated as a teen (and probably still does as an adult) would have a partial say in any decision.  

Masturbation is always associated with lust and to me, the issue with masturbation is not the act of self-fondling but with where the mind is during the act. It cannot be in a place that a pastor or priest or rabbi would approve.  It is in a place where the masturbating male is using the female for his own pleasure and self-gratification. That is not love. It never has been and never will be.  It's degrading to women and I will be the first to admit that I've 'gone there' when the practice had a hold on me.

In any event, I'd love to hear any feedback after reading this woman's story. I will say no more as I don't want to reveal any surprises but leave it to say, there are definite brow-raising moments.

I'm Hers

Tuesday, July 29, 2014

The Boys Have Spoken and Their Message is Unified

In the July 23 post, I wrote described a busy couple days after Katie and I returned home from vacation. When I wrote, I wasn't trying to make any kind of profound statement but rather simply describe both the business as well as how well Katie and I worked together. However, the responses I received really blew me away. I told Katie I never get 30 responses. Now granted, half were replies by me but still, 30 is a lot for this blog but there was quite an interest with respect to how a man and his dominant wife handle work around the house.

If you take the time to read those comments there is a common theme running through most. That theme is that none of these men do all the chores. I noted how Katie and I spent a couple of hours on our hands and knees scrubbing the kitchen floor together, then shopped and ran errands together. Yes there was a substantial amount of time when we were apart and I’m sure that while I worked during those hours apart, she too was busy working on her own projects. She didn't sit around doing nothing. She wanted to help. And that is the key phrase here “she wanted to help”.

Those that commented shared similar stories. They spoke of their wives as being pragmatic; they talked about them doing work even when their husband had asked them not to. They chipped in and helped when help was needed or simply because they wanted to.

For those men and women considering a wife-led marriage or female-led relationship, I believe the comments made share a bright spot-light on what a real loving femdom relationship is all about. It's about two people living in harmony with one another. Yes, someone is in control, and yes, someone leads while the other obeys. But the more profound point here is that it's not relationship in which one does everything in the other does nothing. It's not a relationship in which one stoops to the other. It's not a relationship where the woman looks down at her husband, viewing him as inferior. It’s not that at all. Rather, in so many ways they are equal. They are equal in the respect they share, the love they share, the values they share, the appreciation they share, their camaraderie, companionship and so much more. Their relationship is normal in that it contains all those fundamental traits found in any healthy loving relationship-with the one exception, that "she" is in charge. The FLRs described by my dear friends convey that they too function as a team. They work together for the common good of their marriage; they love and respect one another, and help one another when help is needed.

I think the second take away point from the commenter’s is the implied harmony in their relationship. I don't know how you function within your marriage or partnership but if you don't live in a FLR my guess is the man sometimes becomes irritated and angry when he is told what to do or how to act. I know that's how high acted and responded prior to Katie taking control. I know that's how my male friends respond because they talk about conflicts within their own marriage and share thoughts of this nature. If this is you, take the time to read the comments carefully. You won't find these men talking about conflict in any of their posts – and they would never flaunt how they stood up to their spouse. Rather you'll find the opposite. You will read statements describing how beautiful their relationship is, how well they work together, how much they adore their spouse as well as mentioning of a newfound harmony that wasn't there before. 

What man wouldn't want to live with a woman like that? What woman wouldn't want to live with a man in that kind of relationship? That's the beauty of femdom-or maybe better stated, that is the possibility that exists in a Femdom relationship. FLRs is not about whips and chains and shackles and leather thongs and kneeling. It's about love and that's what is expressed by each of those that commented on this post. These men love their wives.

I'm Hers

Saturday, July 26, 2014


A woman posted a comment on the previous blog post. In that comment was a link to another site. It was this site:

Of course, me in my hastiness, I read the anonymous comment, saw the link, and for whatever reason assumed this was some type of advertisement and not a legit site.  I didn't link to the site but deleted the comment and wrote a response to whomever wrote it.  Unfortunately for me, the comment-er was real - and not some person pushing a product or having an agenda - and expressed disappointment in my actions.  I promised I'd post the link back up for others to go to and explore as she felt the content of this writer was worthy of reading.

Ma'am, again, I do apologize for my actions. I never meant to offend and do hope that you understand. Furthermore, I hope that readers might find this resource of value and take the time to read a few posts to see for themselves.

I'm Hers

PS. To those of you that post as Anonymous, it really is helpful if you sign off with some type of screen-name.  For example RR is one such anonymous poster.  Yet every time he posts he signs off with 'RR'.  I've gotten to know RR and respect what he says.  It is nice for me and I'm sure others to know that it is RR that is posting the comment he has.  I have no idea if RR stands for Rick Royston or Ray Rochester or even if his name might be Pete Fountain in real life.  All I know is that when I see RR, I smile, knowing it's my dear friend RR taking the time once more to add to the blog discussion.

Wednesday, July 23, 2014

The Busyness of Returning from Vacation

Katie and I returned home after a nice vacation away. It was a chance to see children, parents, siblings and relatives as well as getting a bit of work in that I do every summer.  It was also a time to rough it by camping for a few days and that experience is another post in itself.

The time away was relaxing and fun but once we got home, the time of leisure ended and life once more became a blur of jobs and tasks that needed doing. Unpacking a car, organizing 'stuff' before putting it way to make finding it next year easier, doing laundry, cleaning the car, catching up on bills and mail, watering plants, planting plants we brought home, etc. To say the least it was a busy day of getting organized.  Katie had also planned on having seven women friends over on Monday (just 48 hours after getting home) and that meant an entirely new list of things needing done. Vacuuming, scrubbing floors, cleaning the kitchen, purchasing drinks and food and generally making the house look pristine for the Ladies was the order of the next two days.  I don't think I've done so much house work in a long long time.

I kept telling Katie that if she just gave me a list I'd take care of it and she wouldn't have to do work but that was not to be.  We scrubbed tile floors on our hands and knees together. We shopped together and although she kept adding to my list I knew she was busy for most of the time I was working somewhere inside or outside the house. I've come to the conclusion that I need to let go in my attempts to have her turn everything over to me. It’s not who she is and it’s apparently not what she wants me to be. Once Katie makes a decision she doesn’t change easily and wanting to make sure the house got cleaned was something she wasn’t going to leave to chance by not pitching in and helping at least some of the time.  And it is nice to work with her, functioning as a team, with a common goal in mind.  That part I enjoy immensely.  I wish she wouldn't feel the need to work as much and simply turn me loose to work. I have quite a bit of energy left in the tank and love doing things for her.  Being very goal oriented there is something in me that wants her to dare me to do the impossible.

I will say this, she is my Mistress – something I asked her to be almost over four years ago. It has taken her a long time for her to feel comfortable in that role.  In a few areas she took to being the Mistress wife easily but in most it took many months before she came to the point where she accepted and enjoyed her ownership of me and was able to direct me without feeling bad or having to do chores herself.  The process has been slow but it has been steady. I asked her just the other night how she felt comfi-wise and she commented that she feels mostly comfortable now telling me what to do and making sure I do things that will please her.  But she did note that there are still areas that don’t feel normal yet. 
The weekend before the Monday arrival of the ladies was replete with instances where she told me "I want you to do...." At one point on Monday morning I wanted to get the Kitchen counters scrubbed and cleaned yet I didn't get to it until several hours later because of all the "I need you to do X" tasks that kept me busy doing one thing after another of Katie’s growing list of new chores.  Each time they came I couldn't help but smile as I tended to her to-do list knowing I had my own to complete - the one she had given me early that morning.  It is during these times when I realize that I really am here to serve and in that vein I've woken the past few mornings telling her, "I will obey you, I will serve you and I will intentionally show you how much I love you."

Monday evening came. The house was clean and organized when the ladies arrived. Katie was able to relax and I was invited to sit on the deck with them and enjoyed a few hours of listening to their stories as they got caught up on one another's lives. When they left I cleaned up while Katie relaxed watching the news. When I climbed into bed she was already there - naked and waiting for me.  I knew what her nakedness meant. She expected me to massage her. I did and did so with pleasure. What better way to end our day. And I fell asleep knowing I could sleep in. How sweet she is!

I'm Hers

Thursday, July 17, 2014

iWait: One Requirement of the Submissive Husband

Some time ago someone mentioned the word ‘waiting’ in a post and it got me thinking about a small yet very important part of my life as Katie’s submissive.  I wait. I wait for all kinds of things. I wait for her to make a decision when the answer (in my mind) wants to leap from my tongue. I've learned to hold my thoughts and let Katie decide on her own time. 
I wait when she tells me we will be leaving at 8 pm and I am ready at 7:45.  I wait without telling her to hurry up.  I wait when she wants to sleep-in on a weekend even though I have been ready to get up an hour earlier.  Instead, I cuddle behind her or lay perfectly still if she wants to cuddle me.  I wait until she is ready to rise and don’t disturb her sleep.  I wait when we go shopping.  Often I tag along a step behind, letting her browse the clothing aisles, appliance department, the food shelves, the pet supply area or wherever it is we happen to be shopping.  I don’t grab her hand and pull her along. I don’t look at the time on my cell in a way that signals my desire to leave. I simply enjoy my time with her, talk about what I see, point out things I believe she’d like or that I feel would look good on her and enjoy the moment. 
I wait while she uses the laptop. I don’t ask to use it but wait for her to finish checking emails, writing responses or browsing the web.  I wait when we watch TV or sit outside on the deck at night.  I don’t tell her I am going to bed. I wait until she is ready.  And when she is, I clean up behind her and head up to join her.  I wait when she drives, even if she’s driving 60 in a 70 mph. I don’t point at the speed limit signs. I don’t tell her she’s driving too slow. I sit in the passenger seat and enjoy the ride, doing what I can to make her as comfortable as I can.  
I wait when she works part-time for a friend. We travel together even though this is all Katie's thing and not mind.  After arriving I am free to do what I want, usually bringing along work or a laptop to write letters or blog posts while waiting for her to finish.  Normally she will tell me when it is that I am to be back making sure I am always a few minutes early so as to not make her wait on me.   I wait when we go out for a meal or out with friends. I wait on Katie. I make sure she has the better of the two seats to sit in so she can socialize easier with others. I wait until she gives the signal that it is time to ask for the bill for our meal or that it is time to leave a social function at a friends home. Until that signal is given I wait and be the best company I can for my Mistress.

Waiting has become one of the joys of my submission.  Waiting makes a man look to his Mistress for direction. Waiting helps a man learn that she is more important than he.  Waiting teaches patience. Waiting reinforces a man’s dependency on his wife. Waiting is a tangible sign that she is the one who is most important, is the one who leads, who is the one who is in charge, and by waiting the submissive demonstrates his obedience to the one he serves.  

Katie is my Owner. She now uses those words every now and again and I love hearing them every time she does. Because she owns me, because she is the Mistress, because she is the dominant partner she deserves to be waited for and waited on. Waiting on is a topic for another post but waiting for is something a woman (all Mistress wives for that matter) deserve, and it does a submissive man well to learn this important skill of patience and focus on the woman he has committed his life to serve.

I’m Hers

PS: Katie read and approved the post and then told me of a song I wasn't aware of. It's by Brad Paisley and this version has the one and only Andy Griffith in it.  Here's the link  and here's the words. They brought tears to my eyes thinking about how privileged I am to be waiting for my woman!

Sittin' on a bench at West Town Mall 
He sat down in his overalls and asked me
You waitin' on a woman
I nodded yeah and said how 'bout you
He said son since nineteen fifty-two I've been
Waitin' on a woman

When I picked her up for our first date
I told her I'd be there at eight
And she came down the stairs at eight-thirty
She said I'm sorry that I took so long
Didn't like a thing that I tried on
But let me tell you son she sure looked pretty
Yeah she'll take her time but I don't mind
Waitin' on a woman

He said the wedding took a year to plan
You talk about an anxious man, I was nervous
Waitin' on a woman
And then he nudged my arm like old men do
And said, I'll say this about the honeymoon, it was worth it
Waitin' on a woman

And I don't guess we've been anywhere
She hasn't made us late I swear
Sometimes she does it just 'cause she can do it
Boy it's just a fact of life
It'll be the same with your young wife
Might as well go on and get used to it
She'll take her time 'cause you don't mind
Waitin' on a woman

I've read somewhere statistics show
The man's always the first to go
And that makes sense 'cause I know she won't be ready
So when it finally comes my time
And I get to the other side
I'll find myself a bench, if they've got any
I hope she takes her time, 'cause I don't mind
Waitin' on a woman

Honey, take your time, cause I don't mind
Waitin' on a woman