I had just typed a draft of this post and sent it to Katie to review and approve when I received a comment on the blog wondering if we ever had sex. I smiled and wrote a quick response, basically saying we do and do so often. I usually don't post on our sex life as this topic is one of our intimacy - and saved only for the two of us. Yet, sex is part of life. It's a good thing. It's a pleasurable part of a healthy relationship relationship and is arguably the most powerful way two people can bond. The post below describes one such evening. Here it is what I wrote Katie to approve:
Last night Katie totally blew me away. As a bit of background, once a week Katie has a” girl’s night out” with a few of her closest friends. Last night happened to be that night. She left before I got home from work and spent a few hours enjoying company with friends. I got home an hour after she left the house and used the time to get my work-out in so that I’d be done before she returned. I don’t like working out when it takes time away from the two of us, even though there is value in exercising and something I enjoy doing. With Katie away, it permitted me an ideal opportunity to get some exercise rather than watching TV - actually I did a bit of both :)
Around 9:30 pm Katie arrived home, burst through the door with a beautiful smile and ran to me embracing me with a passionate hug and kiss. I was completely taken aback. We always kiss when one of us returns home but this greeting was more than your average ‘hi, I’m back’ kiss. This time there was passion oozing from her body. I love passion. On top of that was her dress. She was wearing her usual blue jeans and flats but tonight she wore a short sleeve white top that I had never seen before. She was absolutely stunning and it flamed my own hunger.
In the kitchen we embraced, she looking fantastic and smelling of Este Lauder while I was shirtless, sweaty and hot. Apparently my appearance wasn't a deterrent to her wanting to touch me. Who knows why she wanted to hug but she did. I asked what the occasion was and her response was straightforward as it always is, “I want you”. Wow! She knows how to make a guy’s day. She walked from room to room making sure the house was clean and doors were locked. Rather than sitting together, which I expected she'd do, she told me it was time for bed.
I thought, “whatever you say Katie. I’m coming.”
Just before we got into bed she said, “Oh, I don’t have to get up early,” and sighed with relief.
Geez, and here I thought her hurry was to get up to the bedroom so we could make love! Instead her hurry was partly because she didn't want to be up late and lose precious sleep time. Oh, well. But throwing me another curve she quickly readied for bed, turned out the lights, stripped, and lay on her back telling me she wanted me inside her. It was another one of those ‘I'm taken aback’ moments. Katie never lies on her back and allows me to take charge of our love making. It just never happens. Well, almost never. Tonight was different and we made love just as she wanted. It was beautiful. It was close. It was intimate. It was fun and in classic Katie style, when we were done she pushed me off and told me she needed to use the bathroom. :-)
So much for the post-coital snuggling. That had a wait a few minutes. It's times like these when I realize how much I love this woman. I love placing my trust in her. I told her as we lay in bed snuggling afterward that she's taught me how to be a better lover. She's taught me how to love; how to give rather than expect; to give rather than take. She's taught me how to be patient. She's taught me how to listen to her body, to move when she wants and be still when that is her preference; to hold her when she wants to be held; to give her space when she needs room to breathe; to engage her in conversations that interest her and not just me. She’s helped me learn that my place is not to nag or complain but to lean on her and wait until she is ready. I told her that I would do anything for her and I meant it. But I told her how I trust her to look after me with as much effort as I strive to take care of her. The difference of course is that my caring includes serving and obeying while her caring involves the responsibility of leading and guiding.
Our relationship is not the typical marital one that most couples share but it's one that works for us. It’s one that's based on love and trust and communication and closeness. It's one in which we have both accepted our respective roles; my role of obeying and serving and her role of guiding and leading. It's a beautiful way to live.